Blog #14 People Who Know Me, People Who Think They Know Me, and People Who Don't.

When people know you they don’t judge or assume the worst, they don’t break you down instead of build you up, and they always try to understand you even when the understandable is out of reach. My feelings are often discontinued from my brain and are sprayed directly into my heart. My brain doesn’t do the thinking for me because my heart has always been the director. There are plenty of people in my life who’ve always understood me without even trying, and they’ve never tried to see the worst in me because they know that underneath my strong wall is that fragile place inside me where one hit could make me shatter. Not many people have seen beyond the wall I’ve built around myself, but those who have, have either embraced it or left it.

One person in particular has always seen the good in me, and never once has tried to break me apart. He knows who he is, but for his sake I won’t mention names. We’ve been through a lot together and even at the hardest of times, when I was at my most frustrating and vulnerable, he gave me second chances and always let me know he cared. I have a fickle heart that twists and turns and ceases to ever make decisions. My indecisive behavior has to bother him, even if he doesn’t say it. I think a lot about things, sometimes it’s easiest for me to just sit and watch others, instead of being in the spotlight. I find it’s easier to take everything in and soak it up for later, instead of letting it all out. I know who I am, and I know that I can be poetic and artistic, and he knows that as well. The special thing about my relationship with this person is that without even trying he can see right through me. The general idea of someone who knows you, is someone who can take it all in and then know exactly what to say next. Well, that’s another that separates him from everyone else. Most people like to hold in their feelings, but he and I have found trust in each other that allows us to say whatever we feel even if it could lead to the worst. He knows me, and wants to know me. It’s the best feeling in the world knowing that every morning I might see that one person who just happens to know me best without even trying.

Everyone has been in that position where picking who you want to be with, and who you should be with, are on two very different sides of your brain. For me, I’ve enjoyed plenty of fun combining the two sides even if it is, “playing with fire.” There’s one person who has always been a good friend to me, but it seems as if no matter how hard he tries, he can never seem to fully understand. I have pretty high expectations for friends, and the minute your below that expectation, it doesn’t take a lot of intelligence to realize where I’ve placed you. This person has done right by me, and even though we have some good times together I always find myself not really knowing where he stands in my life. I don’t trust him very much, even though anyone on the outside looking in would think differently. There are times when I find myself crossing the invisible line I’ve created for myself, and it always seems to end in disaster. No matter how much I try to convince myself that the next time with be different, I’m usually wrong. That’s the thing with people who think they know you. It not only affects how you think about them, but also how you think about yourself. They can change your mind about things and persuade you into doing what you don’t want. The one situation I keep getting mixed up in is when I’m just being moody and that person refuses to understand what’s going on. I’m a pretty up and down person, some might even call it minor bipolar, but most of my friends have got me figured out and handle my mood swings well. So why is it so hard to understand me for this one person, while everyone else has things figured out? If you’ve got a friend like this, and I’m sure you do, the best thing you can do is abandon them. It’s sounds harsh but it’s probably the best decision you will make. You’ll have less stress and overall you’ll be a much happier person.

Currently at my school, my eighth grade class is being falsely perceived as the grade with no leadership. I’ve been outraged since sixth grade, because since sixth grade we’ve been getting the same old talk. It’s a false accusation, and personally I’m offended. My teachers have always supported me in my decisions and have never judged or been disappointed in me, so why now is it so hard for them to stick up for us even though they know how much potential we have? I’m not the type of person who is willing to do just anything so that people can see me how they want to. I’m going to do exactly what I feel is right. If I had the opportunities that I wish I did, I would be more than happy to follow through with them. My one wish for my school is that the art program would become a whole lot better. It’s sad that I realized my passion for the visual arts in eighth grade, when I could’ve been a master by now if I had started learning a long time ago. I feel that if I wanted to create an art program with better art education, that no one would take me seriously. The poor view from teachers at my school is mostly coming from lower school. The lower school has not only, never met me, but they’ve never tried to meet me on a personal level. It’s saddening to hear that teachers are disappointed in my grades leadership skills because I know how much leadership there really is. Kids are different; they have different views, ways of learning, and ideas of what is fun and what is not. Whether or not it is the right thing to do or say, a kid of my creative level is not going to spend time doing the things that others expect of them (to a certain extent), but instead they are going to try to break from the status quo and do what makes them happy.